Am I Working Hard Enough?
Once upon a time, I was somewhat obsessed with the grind. I wanted that really hard job, the kind you hear about on the internet where you work 60, 80, or even 100 hours a week (but preferably inside, unlike my first job spent landscaping over the summer in Louisiana). I wanted to see if I had the mettle to eat dinner at work and spend weekends in an empty office. The concept was sort of romantic to me, and it seemed like an experience everyone should have. I felt like an overgrown Boy Scout missing his workaholic badge.
Then I got a job that wanted me to work a ton. It was exactly the type of environment I had been seeking. It was professional, intense, and a place where hard work and long hours were respected—and expected. And, like a real sissy, I immediately resented them for it.
It woke me up, and like most learning experiences, it was both crappy and awesome. I had spent years worrying that I wouldn't work hard enough when faced with "the grind," and this job had proved it. But it also taught me something important about myself fairly early in life. I don’t value work for the sake of work. Realizing that I was not a workaholic absolved me from a debt that I didn't actually owe anyone. I mean seriously, who is working those 80-hour-a-week jobs? What kind of life is that? (Oh, they make tons of money? Well, that makes more sense, I guess. I've also never made tons of money. That sounds awesome.)
In any case, I discovered that I don’t equate hours logged with success—not that I don't still worry that I'm not working hard enough. On many occasions, I have actually wanted to ask my team, “Do you think I work hard enough?” How lily-livered is that question? And how uncomfortable for the person I am asking? Of course they’re going to say I work hard. Or maybe they won't? It's not like I’m going to ask them—because what if they said no? And how do you decide something as subjective as what's "hard enough“?
It certainly used to be much harder to do anything. In my lifetime, humans communicated timely information through the freaking postal service. "I need to get Susanne some timely information. I better write it down on letterhead, put a stamp on it, and hand it to this person who will hand it to several other persons until it gets to Susanne in three days. Then, I'll just wait for her reply on the matter." That is bananas. Now we can get so much done, so fast, and yet we all feel like we're still not doing enough. More bananas.
Work as hard as you want. I don’t care. I freaking love work, but I only love work because I love what I do. “Find something you love to do and then… do it for the rest of your life.” Do you remember this quote from Rushmore? I didn’t, but I fact-checked it in five seconds instead of the five business days it would have taken the fact-checking department in 1991.
That quote is also true. The irony is that you have to work really freaking hard to find that something. So I guess I worked hard for a bit. But I am definitely not working hard enough now. Or maybe I am? I'm going to ask the team tomorrow.
