Being a Leader is Awkward
You read a book, listened to a podcast or just landed on an epic quote on Instagram. You are inspired, nay, invigorated. You can’t wait to share it with your team. You're certain that this is going to be a true game-changer. This is going to light a fire under all of them and launch you all into a whole new universe of awesome. This is not like your last idea. This one is the one. Honestly, they might even clap. Okay, they may not clap, but they will at least leave with more confidence in you as their leader. You schedule the meeting. Everyone is there. It’s go time.
But wait, where’s Jeb? “I think he’s in the bathroom,“ mumbles someone. No matter. This moment shall wait for no Jeb. You begin, “I read this interesting article, and it got me thinking…“ You look up—and they’re gone. They’re there, but only physically. Cara is on her phone. Belinda forgot her pen. Abe is listening intently, as always. Or is he completely zoned out? Alas, you’re already thrown off. As you hear the words leave your mouth, they sound ordinary and, worst of all, way too similar to your last big idea. This isn’t going well at all. This is getting awkward. You no longer want to be in this meeting either.
Photograph was not taken for this blog. Just a generally awkward photo.
I definitely thought being a leader would be different. I thought there would be more deference. I thought there would be more fervor. I don’t know why. When I was not the leader, I didn’t have much deference and only traces of fervor. Being a leader with a new idea is like being that friend who really wants to show someone this “one part,” but no one ever wants to watch this “one part” because you’re making them do so. And being a leader is even worse because your friend can beg you to stop showing them lame YouTube clips, but your team has to humor you as their leader. It’s literally their job to listen to you. Which makes it easy for leaders to mistake pandering for praise. That’s why there are so many crappy leaders.
"I just want people to listen to me and believe in me and do what I say." Well, tough titties, boss. They will go with you if they want to and if they believe in you and you listen to what they say. And just because they went with you last time does not mean that they will this time. Leadership is some complex crap. It’s often not that fun, and it’s also often really awkward. Like when you're finally done talking after nine consecutive minutes, and everyone just looks around like, "Do we clap? Just leave? Say, 'Hey, good talk, guy'?“ I don’t know what I expect them to say after I ramble on about “trust” and “our purpose.“ So how the heck are they supposed to know?
I always thought being a "True Leader" just meant long hours and tough decisions. I didn’t know it meant sometimes you have to feel like a dork in front of a bunch of people that you like and hope respect you. I didn’t know it meant that people will tell you that your ideas are good when they’re not. I didn't know that I would feel a lot more like Michael Scott than Gordon Gecko. When I watch The Office now, I am alarmed by my empathy for Michael Scott. He just wants to be liked, admired and feel like part of the team. I want that too, but that’s not really what it means to be a leader.
Being a leader is getting up there and repeating your mission statement for the 15th time regardless of whether anyone wants to hear it—because it’s your freaking mission and they need to know that they are indeed also on a mission. It’s telling someone older than you what to do. It’s telling someone younger than you that they’re wrong about TikTok. It’s knowing something is going to be wicked awkward—like using the word "wicked" in 2020—and doing it anyway. Because you care more about the success of the group than being cool. Let me be clear, I definitely care about being cool, but I will embrace the awkwardness. I will inhale my ineptness and exhale encouragement. I will savor the silence that awaits my so-so speech. Because as much I care about being cool or liked or "just one of the guys," I care more about being a leader.
